It's hard to describe what exactly foster indigo is when I myself lack clarity on the matter. I presently find myself sat in bed at a late hour in the wintertime night, typing to the tune of Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual playing only melodically (who really knows the accompanying lyrics to this tune?) in my head. Safe to say, I've got fog in the noggin.
I have no idea what I'm doing, and I certainly have no idea what this—what you're reading; what I'm writing—is.
So, instead of delineating the nature of this new and molten medium—evolving, breathing, brimming—perhaps it would benefit us both if I were to instead describe what foster indigo might be[come].
I'm Levi, by the way; how do you do.
The up-until-now-story: I'm twenty three and in my final year of my undergraduate degree. Please don't do the math. I'm studying philosophy which, in case you're wondering, is helpful when your parents and peers need a social scapegoat to boost their confidence. I like making still images slightly less than I like making moving images and I think I'd like to (without limiting my options by saying so) do either-or once I've graduated.
I've wanted to start a blog (for simplicities sake, we'll call this a blog; however blogging has obvious limitations I have fantasies of transcending—more on that soon) since about 2012. In fact, I distinctly remember sending a text to a friend of mine around the time I graduated high school wherein I earnestly displayed my desire to start publishing personal musings online. That didn't happen. But not oft has a week passed where I haven't re-entertained the idea. I've now reached a point in my life where, at the liminal brink bordering maturation, I've realized that I might actually need something like this. Something to help me sound out the terms that will define my next stage of life. I'm at the end of a defining past two-or-so years in my life. I felt, for lack of a proper diagnosis, like I had been evicted from me. Accordingly, I spent the next nineteen months trying to figure out what properties of me had gone missing that I direly wanted back. In the end, I realized that in order to move on, I needed to stop fixating on the prior version of myself I had become comfortable with and work towards constructing a blueprint for a future me which I would start from (near) scratch.
The from-now-on story: As I near the end of my undergraduate degree and prepare for the inevitable uncertainty that bellows just yonder, I feel uncomfortable. Insecurities which I have been able to hide in my shadow are starting to grow past the limitations of their bounding shade into partially (and eventually fully) illuminated mental tyrants. However, having recently been inspired by the endeavours of a few close companions of mine who use the internet to spread influence and intimacies, I've taken it upon myself to create an online space where I can do the same. foster indigo will be a journal, a sounding board, a behind the scenes, an exhibit—anything I need it to be or want it to be. Photos, stories, experiments, failures, films, fashion, philosophy and design all in one place with only a single uniting feature: me. In the same way I have no real plans for the future of my life, I have no plans for the future of this online medium. This uncertainty, I hope, creates a space that is organic, non-binary and free of inhibitions; an online space which confines to no single mould and instead shifts moulds in order to accommodate singular instantiations of what it feels like to be.
This brings us to the present evening. It's colder now in my bedroom and It's Not Unusual has stopped playing in my head. This is likely for the reason that I lost hold of my physical sensibilities while navigating the flood of mental fragments and memories from the past two years which have, over time, dampened the cerebral hallways they occupy. I am now, more than ever, in need of foster indigo, whatever it may be.
Briefly, and in summation, what I hope to accomplish here is simple: I wish to use this medium as a way for me to reflect on the past in order to prepare for the future. I imagine that, like a construction blueprint which contains pictures, descriptions and diagrams, this forum will host a multitude of media which will, in their combined service, assist me in figuring out who I am and who the heck I want to be.
Welcome to foster indigo.
P.S. in case rhetorical meditations are not your cup of tea, see my about page for an (only slightly) more concrete description of what foster indigo means to me.